Tag Archives: China

Do Not Pause When You See Fire Facilities

There’s no need to be polite about it — just help yourself to the thing. Don’t dare pause — not even for a split sec!

It’s either that — or a sign that you’re in a passageway to be kept free for the firemen should this place suddenly go up in flames! It also goes without saying that it’s probably not a good idea to toy around with the fire facilities here.

You might never know how much harm you could do if you don’t comply with that request…

What It Should Read: Fire Facilities — Please Keep Clear instead
Taken in Shangdi, northwestern Beijing

An Order from the Chinese Rail Gods: Do Not Lie Down!

Apparently, the underground passageway for exiting riders is not the ideal substitute for a bed (or one of those super-deluxe seats in Business Class). For if you attempt to lie flat there, you’ll be hurried out of the place — by this sign:

The idea here is that you should have either done that one the train — or that this passageway should be kept free so that it’s always ready for the occasional, always-unannounced stampede of riders…

What It Should Read: Please Keep Passageway Clear. instead
Taken at the Langfang Railway Station

Is that light OFF — or NO?

Ah, Premier (deluxe) Class on the Chinese high speed railways. God class. Where everybody treats you like a right royal rider, and you get free Dezhou Braised Chicken for free (apparently).

Oh — and it also comes, on CRH380A trains, with free extra Chinglish. You have an option to turn OFF the Chinglish — or to turn it NO. That’s right: instead of turning on the Chinglish, you have to turn it no.

I’m sure the present-day rail boss is English-blind (but Chinglish-savvy)…

What It Should Read: ON/OFF instead
Taken in Premier Class on the CRH380A train

No Push, No Pull, Yes Chinglish…!?

OK, then get me out of here! I’m stuck… in a place where I can neither pull nor push a — freakin’ door!

This bit of classical Chinglish finds itself on a folding door. It’s unique in that it can’t be “operated” like a regular door. You’ve got to pull a little handle or “fold” the thing.

Worst still is where they decided to stick the thing. In the toilets. Just when your butt’s about to explode, you have to get through these first. The result is a huge stink and the stuff that I can’t blog here about — on the floor.

I’d favour the ones on the train where you push a button to open the door, then push another one to close it and then let go of your lobster that your stomach had a kernel panic on…

What It Should Read: CAUTION: FOLDING DOOR
Taken May 2011 in Beijing

Self-Servicing Yourself to Some Italian Chinglish Tickets…

Un po’ d’italiano here in the city of the West Lake, Hangzhou — the Self-servico Ticket Office

Trouble is, for the average expat without a second-generation PRC ID card, these machines in that office laden with Chinglish are — well, just there to be seen. And not used. Somewhat skanky rules in effect as of 1 June 2011 dictate that only PRC ID card holders are allowed the luxury of buying train tickets from anyone other than a live human being (as in: a ticket machine).

And nope, counter to what the icon says, the machine doesn’t really like you sticking in all these coins to get your deluxe HSR ticket.

Too bad that these machines have “died” for us expats.

Too bad still for the Chinglish…

What It Should Read: Self-Service Ticket Office
Taken June 2011 in Hangzhou

Yes-sir-ee… It’s THE Toilet. THE Chinglish Toilet…

There can only be one Presidential Palace in the whole of China — even if it belongs to a former regime on the mainland.

And in that vein, there can only be one toilet in that very same palace.

Right?

See what I mean? The extra “the” makes it look a little… well, don’t you think that extra “the” is a the a tad too the “superfluous”? Doesn’t it make itself appear a little too… well, self-important?

“Well, folks, you will now be headed to the toilet. The toilet. Remember, it’s The toilet…”

What It Should Read: Toilet
Taken June 2011 in Nanjing, Jiangsu

Heilongjiang’s Model of Civilized Chinglish Windows…?

To Heilongjiang, an uncivilized window would be one where it’d be dirty, rotten, smashed, and full of obnoxious Chinglish.

Either that, or…

At times, the Chinglish here can just be amazing. If all you are reduced to doing in the “provincial tourist profession” is the creation of “models of civilized windows”… then…

Hey, here’s one thing I hope Heilongjiang and in particular, Harbin, can make a little better: “rail things”. Such as a get a proper HSR in order and connect the city with the Metro.

Makes far more sense than doing your models of civilized windows…

What It Should Read: MODEL PORTAL ORGANIZATION
Taken July 2011 in Harbin, Heilongjiang

Carrefour Chinglish: What A Laughathon!

My wife and I had a field day during our first Carrefour adventure. The Chinglish was just awesome. Let’s just go through a few…

  • Check Points: Null problemo…
  • Good condition of the window: OK, like no scratches or stuff…
  • Trolley in anti-device kept: Here’s where it looks a tad odd… What on earth is, say, an anti-device? An anti-tank device?… And how the heck you do stick a trolley in that thing?
  • No trouble maker outside: No traitors, no cheaters, no con men, no members of banned “evil royal fetish” cults, and definitely no roaches. Am I right? Or just how do you define a “troublemaker”?
  • Patrol Equipment Don’s touch! Hey, get Patrol Don here. He’s supposed to give his touch of blessing on the thing!…

What It Should Read: Check Points
1. Window in good condition
2. Trolley safely stowed; anti-theft devices in working order
3. Proper order outside the store
Patrol Equipment – Do Not Touch!

Taken August 2011 in Beijing