The Craziest Chinglish Out There

In no particular order… Some of the craziest Chinglish I’ve ever seen. If you see a date and place that’s Chinglish I’ve snapped!

Colour coding: The text in red shows you the crazy Chinglish as-is (along with the Chinese text in brackets). What you see in green is the proper English that’s, well, probably less hilarious, but much easier to make sense of. My commentary and a date and place (if I took the Chinglish pic myself) are shown in italics. Got it? Let’s go…

NOT SAFE FOR WORK! There might be strong, coarse, offensive or obnoxious language from some of the Chinglish posts at times. This is not intended to insult or hurt anyone, but you have been warned!

  • FUCK THE CERTAIN PRICE OF GOODS
    (干货计价处)

    DRY GOODS WEIGH DESK
    Probably they decided to go after the artificially inflated price of these goods after all…
     
  • ACCIDENT MUCH ROAD
    (事故多发路段)

    ACCIDENT AREA / BLACK SPOT
    Accident Much Road: You mean, oh, I get it: potholes, broken cars, vans on fire… yiiikes…
    December 2008, Tangshan

     
  • ENTER THE MOUTH
    (入口)

    ENTRANCE
    Just because you’ve gone into somewhere doesn’t mean you’ve entered someone else’s big mouth…
     
  • RACIST PARK
    (民族园)

    ETHNIC GROUP THEME PARK
    Carving out a theme park for the ethnicities = is that racist?…
    Autumn 2006, Beijing

     
  • UP AND DOWN PLACES TEMPORARILY
    (临时上下客处)

    TEMPORARY BUS STOP
    Makes your eyes go up and down when you read this sign…
    February 2011, Chengdu

  • DISS POND
    (小便池)

    URINAL
    Just because you’re taking a twinkle doesn’t mean you’ve got to be dissed…
     
  • TO STARBARK FROM OTHER DOOR
    (No Chinese text)

    TO STARBUCKS PLEASE USE OTHER DOOR
    It’s scary when the Siren becomes a dog and starts barking out loud…
    May 2005, Beijing

     
  • DON’T FORGET TO CARRY YOUR THING
    (請勿忘隨身物品)

    DON’T FORGET YOUR BELONGINGS
    Question is: WHAT thing?…
     
  • MAINTAIN THE DISTANCE BETWEEN VEHICIES TO PREVENT FEAR-END COIIISION
    (保持车距 以防追尾)

    KEEP A SAFE DISTANCE TO AVOID REAR END COLLISIONS
    Fear-ended collisions. Sounds outright fearful to me…
    January 2011, Tianjin

     
  • Please do not jump off the platform or get into the orbit. Get on and off the train until the moving train is stabilized.
    (禁止 … 跳下站台、进入铁道线路等,禁止随未停稳的列车奔跑和抓上、抢下。)

    Never jump off the platform or jump onto the tracks. Do not chase trains or get on or off until the train comes to a complete stop.
    This is NUTS: orbiting trains asking you to get on or off until the thing is stabilized. Riiight…
    February 2011, Chinese HSR magazine

     
  • After first under on, do riding with civility
    (先下后上 文明乘车)

    Please let passengers exit first
    Wait — first is after, is on, or is what-er?
     
  • Muslim restaurant, decline self simultaneous food
    (本店属清真餐厅,谢绝自带食品)

    Muslim / Halal restaurant. No outside food allowed.
    That self simultaneous food sounds like a novelty. Too bad we can’t take it in…
    February 2010, Beijing

     
  • MALEMAN
    (男)

    GENTLEMEN
    Found at the toilets, probably. Thing is: can anyone come out with a female man?
     
  • AUTOMATIC FAUCET
    UNNECESSARY TOUCHING

    (自动龙头)
    (无需触摸)

    AUTO SENSOR TAP
    Unnecessary touching! Unnecessary Chinglish…
    November 2009, Beijing

     
  • No Louding
    (请勿喧哗)

    Quiet Please
    So you are saying that quieting is OK. Right?
     
  • Synthesized south station
    (火车南站综合枢纽站)

    South Railway Station Transport Hub
    That sounds like an artificial thingamajig!
    February 2011, Chengdu

     
  • This There Please
    (请那边走)

    Please Detour
    I’m lost.
     
  • From This Come Back
    (由此返回)

    Return This Way
    I’m still lost.
    Summer 2007, Tanzhe Temple, Beijing

     
  • Rush Hour W.C
    (应急厕所)

    Emergency Toilet
    Do I have to pay a congestion charge to use that?
     
  • Automobile parking on holiday
    (假日小型車臨時停車場)

    Parking lot for cars during holidays
    You mean this car park thing can actually go on holiday? Wow. And it ain’t even a living thing…
    January 2010, Taiwan
     
  • DEFORMED MAN TOILET
    (残疾人厕所)

    TOILET FOR HANDICAPPED PERSONS
    Note to self: Use this only when mutilated.
     
  • Driving a motorcycle helmets
    (驾乘摩托车戴头盔)

    Wear helmets when riding motorcycles
    Chinglish thing stopped halfway through. Driving a motorcycle helmets WHAT!?…
    January 2010, Xushui, Hebei
     
  • ENGINE ROOM IS SERIOUS PLACE
    (机房重地)

    MACHINE ROOM – NO UNAUTHORIZED ENTRY
    Yes, it indeed is.
     
  • PESTROOMS-MEN / PESTROOMS-WOMEN
    (男卫生间 / 女卫生间)

    RESTROOMS-MEN / RESTROOMS-WOMEN
    Yep, those men sure are pests. Oh wait. The women are, too… Nuts…
    October 2005, Tianjin

     
  • EIRE-FIGHTING EQUIEPMENT BOX
    (灭火器箱)

    FIRE EXTINGUISHER BOX
    You’ve just upset the Irish (Eire).
     
  • ANTI-EARTHQUAKE MEMORIAL
    (抗震纪念馆)

    TANGSHAN EARTHQUAKE MEMORIAL
    Humankind has been anti-earthquake since day one, but this sign’s overdoing it…
    December 2009, Tangshan
     
  • PAYATTATIONTO
    Policemantellyou: IfyouwantvisitjadecloundRoad Pleasetakecarcofyourself

    (注意)
    (民警同志提示您: 于游玉带云游路者,请注意安全!)

    Police Advisory
    Visitors to Jade Cloud Road should proceed with caution.

    Super long, and just plain weird. No spaces, either!
     
  • STAIRS CONNECTED
    (楼梯上下)

    STAIRWAY ACCESS
    I’d hate to think what would happen if the stairs weren’t connected…
    May 2010, Beijing

     
  • The peddler management are forbid go up landing stage
    (小商小贩禁止上栈桥)

    Unauthorised vendors are not permitted on the bridge
    Peddler… management… landing stage. Stage. Say — an open air café?
     
  • Vindicate System
    (系统维修)

    System Under Maintenance
    Remember not to blame that machine! It’s under maintenance…
    May 2010, Shanghai

     
  • IF YOU HAVE ANY TROUBLE PLEASE ASK FOR THE POLICEMAN
    (有难事 找民警)

    THE POLICE ARE HERE TO HELP WITH ANY PROBLEMS
    Cool. I just had a great day. Now let me ruin it by calling n the cops!
     
  • ONLY CLEAN COMPANY
    (保洁专用)

    CLEANERS ONLY
    If you’re a dirty company — you need not apply…
    May 2009, Beijing

     
  • SMOKING IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED IF YOU WILL BE FINED 50 YUAN
    (院内严禁烟火,违者罚款 50 元)

    NO SMOKING. PENALTY FOR VIOLATORS: 50 YUAN
    So you mean I can smoke away at will if I refuse to be fined?
     
  • Sydney Juice
    (雪梨汁)

    Snow Pear Juice
    Actually, I’d have favoured a bit of Perth Juice, mate… or Melbourne Juice… or maybe Foster’s, rather…
    February 2011, Chengdu

     
  • DANGER! INHIBITION ASTRADDLE TRANSGRESS
    (危险! 严禁跨越)

    DANGER! KEEP OUT!
    DANGER! PRESENCE OF SUPER-DIFFICULT-TO-COMPREHEND CHINGLISH!
     
  • MONGOLIA TO BAKE COMPLETE SHEEP
    (蒙古烤全羊)

    MONGOLIAN BAKED WHOLE SHEEP
    Oh man. Mongolia just got brutal…
    August 2011, Beijing
     
  • The large scale demonstration of new energy auto in Jinan city
    (济南新能源汽车大规模示范)

    Ji’nan New Energy Bus Model
    Oh great. Those green buses are on the road protesting again…
    June 2011, Ji’nan

     
  • Taxi rise and fall station
    (的士上落站)

    Taxi station
    When you mix taxis with too much Craig David… (“it’s what they call… the rise and fall…”)
     
  • Detrainment Lane
    (下客道)

    Drop Off Lane
    Detrainment. It sounds like a train accident…
    May 2011, Shanghai

     
  • Sex of Gender
    (性别)

    Sex
    Your sex might be male, but how about your sex of gender?…
    March 2011, Beijing

     
  • Six-foot-tall please forward
    (出站请向前)

    Exit This Way
    (Note: This sign is only for people six feet in height.)
     
  • Be cautious with the slope
    (小心斜坡)

    Please mind your step
    Yes, it’s that ____ slope.
    April 2011, Beijing