There’s no need to be polite about it — just help yourself to the thing. Don’t dare pause — not even for a split sec!
It’s either that — or a sign that you’re in a passageway to be kept free for the firemen should this place suddenly go up in flames! It also goes without saying that it’s probably not a good idea to toy around with the fire facilities here.
You might never know how much harm you could do if you don’t comply with that request…
What It Should Read: Fire Facilities — Please Keep Clear instead
Taken in Shangdi, northwestern Beijing
Apparently, the underground passageway for exiting riders is not the ideal substitute for a bed (or one of those super-deluxe seats in Business Class). For if you attempt to lie flat there, you’ll be hurried out of the place — by this sign:
The idea here is that you should have either done that one the train — or that this passageway should be kept free so that it’s always ready for the occasional, always-unannounced stampede of riders…
What It Should Read: Please Keep Passageway Clear. instead
Taken at the Langfang Railway Station
Ah, Premier (deluxe) Class on the Chinese high speed railways. God class. Where everybody treats you like a right royal rider, and you get free Dezhou Braised Chicken for free (apparently).
Oh — and it also comes, on CRH380A trains, with free extra Chinglish. You have an option to turn OFF the Chinglish — or to turn it NO. That’s right: instead of turning on the Chinglish, you have to turn it no.
I’m sure the present-day rail boss is English-blind (but Chinglish-savvy)…
What It Should Read: ON/OFF instead
Taken in Premier Class on the CRH380A train
This sign is just plain weird:
Everywhere else, electric shocks are dangerous. In China, it’s considered more something that’s cangerous…
That’s a sure sign of cangerous Chinglish. Oops. I smell a typo… that C key isn’t too far from the D key, I take it…
What It Should Read: DANGER! ELECTRIC SHOCK
Taken in Beijing
I’m at a loss for words. This sign just outright doesn’t make sense. It — like — ends halfway through where it’s not supposed to end!
It’s madness total. When you take the elevator safety… what will happen?… Plus, it’s an escalator… since when has it been an escalator?
What It Should Read: Please take the escalator safely
Taken at the Beijing South Railway Station
Somehow, I’m sold that Beijing still hasn’t gotten its orders right. As I learnt it the right way in Switzerland, we’re to start with the 1st carriage, then the 2nd, 3rd and 4th… then the 5th, 6th, 7th and onward.
As you can see below, someone’s got the order wrong. We’re not sure why they decided to stick in Guihua Secondth Road on the thing (or is it the Secoth Road?)…
Obviously, it’s that final bit of precision that’s mission.
I’ve seen worse: I’m on a train now where I just caught a glimpse of a road sign going on about RAINY AND FOGY WEATHER… fogy weather…
What It Should Read: Guihua 2nd Road
Taken in Fangshan, Beijing
And I don’t mean that as in a hotel that’s rated three stars which begins with the letter S (although that’s for sure the case here).
Just take a look at this pic from Langfang, Hebei, to see what I mean…
If you allow the joke to show its crueler sides — I know what you might mean. “Welcome to S*** Hotel!”.
What It Should Read: WELCOME TO SHI YE HOTEL
Taken in Langfang
OK, then get me out of here! I’m stuck… in a place where I can neither pull nor push a — freakin’ door!
This bit of classical Chinglish finds itself on a folding door. It’s unique in that it can’t be “operated” like a regular door. You’ve got to pull a little handle or “fold” the thing.
Worst still is where they decided to stick the thing. In the toilets. Just when your butt’s about to explode, you have to get through these first. The result is a huge stink and the stuff that I can’t blog here about — on the floor.
I’d favour the ones on the train where you push a button to open the door, then push another one to close it and then let go of your lobster that your stomach had a kernel panic on…
What It Should Read: CAUTION: FOLDING DOOR
Taken May 2011 in Beijing
This fair bit of Chinglish is from Yuquan, just southeast of Harbin, in a part of Heilongjiang where I am sure there is no living expat.
And yet they insist on sticking some English at the train station.
OK, that kind of works, but I’d hope it was good or stuff. Ah well — Chinglish as usual…
Funnier still: they seem to have modified the Chinglish. Probably what they had there first was ENTRY OF FLATFORM NO. 2. Seeing their English attempt fell flat on the head, they then proceeded to mod it as the entry to TLATFORM 2.
Ah well. They’re making an effort…
What It Should Read: ENTRY TO PLATFORM 2
Taken July 2011 in Yuquan, Heilongjiang