Category Archives: China

Do Not Pause When You See Fire Facilities

There’s no need to be polite about it — just help yourself to the thing. Don’t dare pause — not even for a split sec!

It’s either that — or a sign that you’re in a passageway to be kept free for the firemen should this place suddenly go up in flames! It also goes without saying that it’s probably not a good idea to toy around with the fire facilities here.

You might never know how much harm you could do if you don’t comply with that request…

What It Should Read: Fire Facilities — Please Keep Clear instead
Taken in Shangdi, northwestern Beijing

An Order from the Chinese Rail Gods: Do Not Lie Down!

Apparently, the underground passageway for exiting riders is not the ideal substitute for a bed (or one of those super-deluxe seats in Business Class). For if you attempt to lie flat there, you’ll be hurried out of the place — by this sign:

The idea here is that you should have either done that one the train — or that this passageway should be kept free so that it’s always ready for the occasional, always-unannounced stampede of riders…

What It Should Read: Please Keep Passageway Clear. instead
Taken at the Langfang Railway Station

Is that light OFF — or NO?

Ah, Premier (deluxe) Class on the Chinese high speed railways. God class. Where everybody treats you like a right royal rider, and you get free Dezhou Braised Chicken for free (apparently).

Oh — and it also comes, on CRH380A trains, with free extra Chinglish. You have an option to turn OFF the Chinglish — or to turn it NO. That’s right: instead of turning on the Chinglish, you have to turn it no.

I’m sure the present-day rail boss is English-blind (but Chinglish-savvy)…

What It Should Read: ON/OFF instead
Taken in Premier Class on the CRH380A train

Shanghai’s Chinglish — Civilized?

This sign is just plain weird:

  • First, it gives you this impression that not every park in Shanghai is civilized… (what these guys wanted to say, rather, is that this garden’s clean, neat, nice — and rocks! and stuff like that).
  • Second, the bit of Chinglish below is crazier still. It reads Office of Shanghai Spiritual Civilization Promotional Committee. How scary is that! Spiritual civilization promotional committee! Spiritual Chinglish. BA-A-AD.

    What It Should Read: Shanghai Model Park (the bit below should read Shanghai Civil Ethics Bureau instead
    Taken in Shanghai in November 2011

When You Take the Escalator… with Chinglish on it…

I’m at a loss for words. This sign just outright doesn’t make sense. It — like — ends halfway through where it’s not supposed to end!

It’s madness total. When you take the elevator safety… what will happen?… Plus, it’s an escalator… since when has it been an escalator?

What It Should Read: Please take the escalator safely
Taken at the Beijing South Railway Station

The Orders are Wrong!

Somehow, I’m sold that Beijing still hasn’t gotten its orders right. As I learnt it the right way in Switzerland, we’re to start with the 1st carriage, then the 2nd, 3rd and 4th… then the 5th, 6th, 7th and onward.

As you can see below, someone’s got the order wrong. We’re not sure why they decided to stick in Guihua Secondth Road on the thing (or is it the Secoth Road?)…

Obviously, it’s that final bit of precision that’s mission.

I’ve seen worse: I’m on a train now where I just caught a glimpse of a road sign going on about RAINY AND FOGY WEATHER… fogy weather…

What It Should Read: Guihua 2nd Road
Taken in Fangshan, Beijing

One Letter Short of… A S*** Hotel…

And I don’t mean that as in a hotel that’s rated three stars which begins with the letter S (although that’s for sure the case here).

Just take a look at this pic from Langfang, Hebei, to see what I mean…

If you allow the joke to show its crueler sides — I know what you might mean. “Welcome to S*** Hotel!”.

Taken in Langfang

No Push, No Pull, Yes Chinglish…!?

OK, then get me out of here! I’m stuck… in a place where I can neither pull nor push a — freakin’ door!

This bit of classical Chinglish finds itself on a folding door. It’s unique in that it can’t be “operated” like a regular door. You’ve got to pull a little handle or “fold” the thing.

Worst still is where they decided to stick the thing. In the toilets. Just when your butt’s about to explode, you have to get through these first. The result is a huge stink and the stuff that I can’t blog here about — on the floor.

I’d favour the ones on the train where you push a button to open the door, then push another one to close it and then let go of your lobster that your stomach had a kernel panic on…

Taken May 2011 in Beijing

Tlatform? Flatform? Railway Station Chinglish Fall Flat on Its Face…

This fair bit of Chinglish is from Yuquan, just southeast of Harbin, in a part of Heilongjiang where I am sure there is no living expat.

And yet they insist on sticking some English at the train station.

OK, that kind of works, but I’d hope it was good or stuff. Ah well — Chinglish as usual…

Funnier still: they seem to have modified the Chinglish. Probably what they had there first was ENTRY OF FLATFORM NO. 2. Seeing their English attempt fell flat on the head, they then proceeded to mod it as the entry to TLATFORM 2.

Still Chinglish.

Ah well. They’re making an effort…

What It Should Read: ENTRY TO PLATFORM 2
Taken July 2011 in Yuquan, Heilongjiang