Category Archives: Beijing

Do Not Pause When You See Fire Facilities

There’s no need to be polite about it — just help yourself to the thing. Don’t dare pause — not even for a split sec!

It’s either that — or a sign that you’re in a passageway to be kept free for the firemen should this place suddenly go up in flames! It also goes without saying that it’s probably not a good idea to toy around with the fire facilities here.

You might never know how much harm you could do if you don’t comply with that request…

What It Should Read: Fire Facilities — Please Keep Clear instead
Taken in Shangdi, northwestern Beijing

When You Take the Escalator… with Chinglish on it…

I’m at a loss for words. This sign just outright doesn’t make sense. It — like — ends halfway through where it’s not supposed to end!

It’s madness total. When you take the elevator safety… what will happen?… Plus, it’s an escalator… since when has it been an escalator?

What It Should Read: Please take the escalator safely
Taken at the Beijing South Railway Station

The Orders are Wrong!

Somehow, I’m sold that Beijing still hasn’t gotten its orders right. As I learnt it the right way in Switzerland, we’re to start with the 1st carriage, then the 2nd, 3rd and 4th… then the 5th, 6th, 7th and onward.

As you can see below, someone’s got the order wrong. We’re not sure why they decided to stick in Guihua Secondth Road on the thing (or is it the Secoth Road?)…

Obviously, it’s that final bit of precision that’s mission.

I’ve seen worse: I’m on a train now where I just caught a glimpse of a road sign going on about RAINY AND FOGY WEATHER… fogy weather…

What It Should Read: Guihua 2nd Road
Taken in Fangshan, Beijing

No Push, No Pull, Yes Chinglish…!?

OK, then get me out of here! I’m stuck… in a place where I can neither pull nor push a — freakin’ door!

This bit of classical Chinglish finds itself on a folding door. It’s unique in that it can’t be “operated” like a regular door. You’ve got to pull a little handle or “fold” the thing.

Worst still is where they decided to stick the thing. In the toilets. Just when your butt’s about to explode, you have to get through these first. The result is a huge stink and the stuff that I can’t blog here about — on the floor.

I’d favour the ones on the train where you push a button to open the door, then push another one to close it and then let go of your lobster that your stomach had a kernel panic on…

What It Should Read: CAUTION: FOLDING DOOR
Taken May 2011 in Beijing

Heilongjiang’s Model of Civilized Chinglish Windows…?

To Heilongjiang, an uncivilized window would be one where it’d be dirty, rotten, smashed, and full of obnoxious Chinglish.

Either that, or…

At times, the Chinglish here can just be amazing. If all you are reduced to doing in the “provincial tourist profession” is the creation of “models of civilized windows”… then…

Hey, here’s one thing I hope Heilongjiang and in particular, Harbin, can make a little better: “rail things”. Such as a get a proper HSR in order and connect the city with the Metro.

Makes far more sense than doing your models of civilized windows…

What It Should Read: MODEL PORTAL ORGANIZATION
Taken July 2011 in Harbin, Heilongjiang

Carrefour Chinglish: What A Laughathon!

My wife and I had a field day during our first Carrefour adventure. The Chinglish was just awesome. Let’s just go through a few…

  • Check Points: Null problemo…
  • Good condition of the window: OK, like no scratches or stuff…
  • Trolley in anti-device kept: Here’s where it looks a tad odd… What on earth is, say, an anti-device? An anti-tank device?… And how the heck you do stick a trolley in that thing?
  • No trouble maker outside: No traitors, no cheaters, no con men, no members of banned “evil royal fetish” cults, and definitely no roaches. Am I right? Or just how do you define a “troublemaker”?
  • Patrol Equipment Don’s touch! Hey, get Patrol Don here. He’s supposed to give his touch of blessing on the thing!…

What It Should Read: Check Points
1. Window in good condition
2. Trolley safely stowed; anti-theft devices in working order
3. Proper order outside the store
Patrol Equipment – Do Not Touch!

Taken August 2011 in Beijing

Ramping Slowly to the Tune of… Chinglish

To do Chinglish right in a car park, not only do you have to roll up the ramp slowly, but you also have to — ramp slowly.

As in — make the ramp thingy a verb…

Either that, or it probably means that it is a slow ramp. Aaargh… Too bad if you’re in a rush. You’re being told to ramp slowly!

What It Should Read: Slow Down on Ramp
Taken August 2011 in Beijing